The Stone Soup Novelist

I have a great idea for a novel. You know what would make it even better?…

A Scene: Over the Cloud Sea

blimpThe airship Eclipse sailed east, over the Cloud Sea. A high bank of clouds, almost straight-edged like a wall, rose ahead.

Joshua called to his first mate, “I don’t like to see a high cloud, Franklin. Not in these skies.”

“Slow down and we’re dead anyway,” said Franklin. “Every ship in Cascay will be out for us by now.”

The ship sailed on, into the misty bank. Tendrils of cloud poured over the decks, and white fog surrounded them. Joshua kept the wheel while Franklin and Carsen manned the sails.

Clovis ran from port to starboard, peering over the side. “I don’t see anything,” he said.

Franklin shook his head and gritted his teeth. “You never do.”

The sweat had beaded on Joshua’s face, and his eyes darted side to side as he spoke. “Clovis, take the oilcloth off that barrel. Just cut through the cord with your knife. Now, take the spears in it and pass them out, one to each man.” Clovis took four wooden spears out of the barrel and carried one to Franklin and another to Carsen. He examined his own and saw that it was really two rods, one fitted inside the other so that it could slide. Fixed on the tip of the inner rod was an iron blade. At the top of the outer rod, next to the blade, was a flint. A bulb at the base of the stick kept the inner rod from sliding more than an inch.

Joshua grabbed his spear and held the wheel with his knee. “Stand behind me and watch,” he said. “There’s saltpeter packed inside spear. Hit the base hard enough, you spark the flint against the blade and make the powder spray out. If you ever have to use this, you want to raise it over your head and strike down with one hand. Make a fist with the other hand and hit this bulb as hard as you can. See?”

Joshua turned, and screamed in terror.

He saw behind him the headless body of Clovis, standing impossibly, its hands grasping out toward him. The ship’s wheel spun free, the mainsail swung around behind them, and the illusion was broken. Outlined against the black sail, the blue and white swirls still pulsing along its subtle skin, there appeared the billowing shape of the Hydra. Its tentacles twisted and searched out from its floating body, blending invisibly with the mists that surrounded them, and one wrapped around the head of Clovis, smothering him.

Joshua raised his spear over his head and ran toward the creature’s body screaming “One’s aboard!” A tentacle tripped his legs and he fell sprawling. The spear shot out of his hand and slid across the deck toward the monster. Joshua sprang after it, but he felt his leg jerked back. The Hydra had his right foot in its grip. He grabbed the planks of the deck with his fingernails and kicked desperately with his left boot but the Hydra pulled him back.

Joshua strained his arms till the veins stood out on his neck like cables. With his free foot he struck back at the trapped boot again and again, bloodying his right leg. The creature pulled again, but this time, the bloody foot came free.

He lunged forward, grabbed his spear, and plunged it into the body of the monster. The spear struck deep. Joshua drew his right foot up under his body, stood, and kicked the base of the spear with all his strength.

Inside the monster, the spark of the flint and the oxygen from the saltpeter met the hydrogen that kept the body of the Hydra afloat. The creature burst in every direction with a loud concussion, knocking Joshua back to the deck.

Clovis pulled the gray, dying tentacle away from his face. “Whuh! Was this . . . what I was supposed to use the spear on?”

Joshua, lying on his back, grinned. “I was getting to that!”

This short scene is for the Friday Fictioneers flash fiction meme.  Every Friday a bunch of online writers write 100 words on a given topic.  In this case, the picture above.  Then we link and comment on each others’ posts. Check it out here.  Links to other peoples’ fiction should start appearing in the Comments to this post as well.

Criticism is invited!  Tell me what you think of my prose.  How can it be tightened up?  I . . . sort of blew out the 100 word  limit on this one; sorry!

To read more about the novel in which this scene will be set, look under “The Story” tab at the top. If you’d like to contribute ideas for my book, just drop them into the Comments and I’ll work them in as best I can.

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20 responses to “A Scene: Over the Cloud Sea

  1. Joanna (Lazuli Portals) June 8, 2012 at 7:59 am

    Wow, this scene really inspired you! Sorry, I’m way too tired right now to attempt any sort of critique, however I did enjoy the scene, and felt the tension and pace worked well for me, particularly in the second half.
    Ours: http://www.lazuli-portals.com/flash-fiction/how-quickly-things-can-change

    • dbfurches June 8, 2012 at 9:53 am

      Thanks. Actually, I was already writing a novel about airships, so I had a big head start.

  2. theforgottenwife June 8, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Very well done!! Amazing story!! Here’s mine: http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/06/07/friday-fictioneers-6812/

    • dbfurches June 8, 2012 at 9:36 pm

      Thanks!

  3. Kaitlin June 8, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    Ha! Of all the things, a hydra! Wonderful! Here’s mine. http://kaitlinandmichaelbranch.com/2012/06/08/friday-fictioneers-6/

    • dbfurches June 8, 2012 at 9:39 pm

      Thanks very much!

  4. Lady Marilyn Kay Dennis June 8, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    Wow! That was frightening!

    • dbfurches June 8, 2012 at 9:39 pm

      Glad you liked it!

  5. yaralwrites June 8, 2012 at 11:23 pm

    Definitively not a dragon but just as cool. What a great fight and well worth going over 100 words.
    Here is mine http://yaralwrites.com/

    • dbfurches June 9, 2012 at 10:31 am

      Thanks. And this is a different section of the planned novel, so the Hydra is not the same as the creature from last week! I’ll go back and fill in gaps later.

      • yaralwrites June 9, 2012 at 10:37 pm

        Looking forward to reading it.

  6. Kwadwo June 9, 2012 at 9:11 am

    Whew! I was getting a bit worried there. I thought they wouldn’t make it.
    Way to go with the heart-clenching suspense. When will you finish the novel?
    I look forward to it.

    Mine’s here: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/08/radiant-flight/

  7. dbfurches June 9, 2012 at 10:33 am

    Thanks! I’m still in the planning stages, so not quite sure about timeline yet. Check back later! And look under “The Story” tab for more background on the book.

  8. Linda June 9, 2012 at 10:51 am

    Which head do you go for when you’re dealing with a hydra ….. 🙂

    • dbfurches June 10, 2012 at 12:32 pm

      Good question! (Actually, I don’t think Hydras have heads on this planet; more like a jellyfish as I picture it). Thanks for commenting!

      • Linda June 10, 2012 at 2:51 pm

        Ah … my mistake?

      • dbfurches June 10, 2012 at 6:54 pm

        It wasn’t obvious! Maybe I need a name other than Hydra. Or I could just give the creature heads; that might be easier!

  9. Janet June 10, 2012 at 11:30 am

    I really enjoyed this piece. You kept the tension hight the entire time and I couldn’t stop reading. I was a bit confused about Clovis though.

    • dbfurches June 10, 2012 at 11:58 am

      thanks janet!

  10. rgayer55 June 11, 2012 at 8:58 am

    A very exciting & action packed story. Great descriptions like, “the veins stood out on his neck like cables.” I did see one sentence that started with “The” that should have been “They.” Overall, I thought it was very well written.

    thanks for visiting mine. Here’s the link for others
    http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

By posting this comment, you are granting me permission to use the words and ideas expressed below in my novel. You will not sue me when it becomes a bestseller. This is totally legally binding.

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